English is today’s international language. It has reached the farthest corners of the globe, and its dialects are as rich and diverse as the people who speak it. But how can a language as expansive as English be so limited in how it defines the pinnacle of human experience? Isn’t that what “love” is, the pinnacle of human experience?
Today we gather to honor and celebrate Lizzie and Drew’s love for each other. We all know when we look upon their glowing faces that their love is more than just the kind of romance we see on soap operas and diamond commercials. They are friends, partners, confidants, valentines, Phish-heads, dog enthusiasts, and most importantly, soulmates. The multifaceted nature of their relationship encompasses so much more than what those four letters can express.
Other languages, mostly ancient ones, have tried to distinguish between different types of love. Both Irish and Greek have 4 words for love, Arabic has 11, Tamil 50, and Sanskrit 267 words for love. Even if English did have 96 whopping words for love, there would still be something ineffable about the feeling. How could language truly express a parent’s love for their child? How could linguistic convention express what you feel when you taste a lover’s soul?
Yet as we evolve as a species, we continue to redefine and invent words to approximate our current experience. As children to the horrors of the 20th century, we people in the 21st century are beginning to see that happiness stretches beyond wealth and power. A slow Renaissance of generosity, curiosity, community, and art is gathering momentum before our very eyes. So today, as we stand blessed to witness this matrimony, I ask you to reconsider your conception of love. And our doing this together will also give Lizzie and Drew the strength to continually expand and redefine their own conception of love as their relationship evolves over the years.
Rev. angel Kyodo Williams, an esteemed Zen priest, says that through her spiritual practice she realized that “love was not to be limited to my bedroom or my family and just people that I thought that I liked; that what I was doing in the past and what we often do and what our culture calls us to do is to use love to be a quantifier of ‘Do I have a preference for you? … Are you reflecting back at me what I want to be reflected back at me? And if you are, and if you are enhancing my idea of myself, then I love you.’”
She says, “The way that I think of love most often these days is that love is space. It is developing our own capacity for spaciousness within ourselves to allow others to be as they are. That doesn’t mean that we don’t have hopes or wishes that things are changed or shifted, but that to come from a place of love is to be in acceptance of what is, even in the face of moving it towards something that is more whole, more just, more spacious for all of us. It’s bigness. It’s allowance. It’s flexibility.”
“More whole, more just, more spacious.”
Lizzie and Drew, I wish you all the romance in the world and hopefully a yearly Phish concert! But what I really wish for you is to help each other develop a capacity for spaciousness within yourselves, because change is the only constant and challenges will always arise. Adapting to change and challenge is hard, and without the space to do so, often leads to failure. Maybe that means that, every once in a while, you’ll have to actually give each other some space. More often than not, it’ll mean accompanying your partner on the journey to becoming whole. And isn’t that what we’re all looking for? To become whole?
As limited as the word may be, I can wholeheartedly say, “I love you guys.” Stay blessed forever and may you guide each other on your way now to Wholeness.